There is a way to fight with someone that’s super healthy. Conflict is a natural thing in relationships and life, but the thing that can make it healthy is what’s underneath the surface. Here’s the key: is the conflict coming from a wound or is it coming from a scar.
They both hurt. They both might look the same to the outsider. They might include yelling, and on the surface it is not different.
The difference is the underlying foundation of the conflict. A wound is fresh, and has not been healed. A scar might be something that has healed, but the pain is not as deep and as intense as a wound would feel.
It’s a great distinction for either person in the conflict. Sometimes we just focus on the yelling and the conflict on the surface, that we miss the underlying cause. We don’t listen. It’s not rational.
But we can have conflict that leads to greater intimacy. It has to be intentional. It has to be planned.
But don’t ask me. I’m not the expert.