Recently, a friend asked me if I had ever heard the phrase, “Who you are when no one’s looking.”  The idea is that you are your most true self when no one is looking.  It’s like all of a sudden – when it’s private – that you are magically who you truly are.

According to some of the theoretical constructs that I’ve studied about identity – that statement would be true.

But as I look at how this statement is used, people that use it haven’t really taken a look at what the identity literature says about this.

Some would say that who you are when no one is looking might be the egoic self or just that self that has been given so many unrealistic expectations.  When you’re by yourself, you might struggle with a self that has just be laden with expectations that you’re really living a pseudo-self.

The who that you are when no one’s looking – might really just be a false self.

Whether any one is looking or not – who you are is who you are.