You can circumvent the identity formation process of someone else by not allowing them to freely explore and express their own identity. When you superimpose your standards or tell someone who to be and how to act, you condition them and teach them to perform. It is not identity forming. It is identity performing, and this leads to a shallow experience of identity because they have not learned it and experienced it themselves.
Tell them what to do. Don’t let them learn it on their own. Standardize. Make them do what you want rather than what they want. Govern. These all circumvent identity formation.
You will pay the price – discomfort for you now by letting them explore or discomfort for you and them and everyone else because you’ve stunted growth – that’s a much higher price.
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