identitySPECIALIST

The Quality of the Question

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Lem Usita

April 16, 2012

You can tell alot about a person by the Quality of the Questions they ask.

We ask questions of people and try to figure out who they are by their answers. That’s how most people do it. Judge by the answers.

Here’s the thing with answers. They can be tailor made for you. I can give you any answer you want. I can give you the answer you want to hear. Some people are like that. They want you to have the right answers. It’s for the person hearing the answer.

The questions though show something more. Questions show what’s going on in the mind of the person asking the question. Questions or more importantly, the quality of the question shows so much more than answers.

Next time you want to find out about another person – what is truly going on in their mind and heart, focus on the questions. It’ll shed light on their answers.

3 responses to “The Quality of the Question”

Nics Cahill

April 17, 2012

Oh, questions reveal so much. I often think people ask them without fulling having realised that they are going to be answered, and the answer may not be one that they like.

What do you think the questions show?

I think they show the thought process that might be happening in someone’s mind.

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1. Lem Usita
  
  April 17, 2012
  
  That is exactly it. It shows thought process. It shows intelligence – although a well crafted answer does the same. It’ll tell you how well they’re listening. It also reveals their motivation. Are they in it for themselves? Are they in it for you?
  
  I am sure others have thought through this much more comprehensively than I have here, but the main idea is that questions reveal our identity to whoever we ask. As always, thank you for reading.
  
  Reply
NIcs Cahill

April 18, 2012

Pleasure Lem, I really love your work. Did my email get to you?

Totally agree that questions reveal our identity. Big issue is that so many people don’t know this, and are not aware that other people read them deeply, by their questions, or statements. I have always asked people or thought quietly to myself ‘why are you telling me this, what are you trying to prove, what is your agenda?’. Journalism teaches us that there is always an agenda, a reason. What I find most interesting is that the people in management for all their ‘training’ give so very much away by their questions, and statements. By the story that they craft. For example, I had a lady tell me recently, after I asked her a question, in a disgruntled manner, ‘Nicky, I think we communicate very well x,y,z, to you, and if we think it is relevant we will tell you, you do not need to ask, unless we raise it with you. We are good communicators.’ Her body language was fascinating, her eyes angry, and disgruntled, her arms folded, and she started shuffling paper on the desk. As was the answer, because she was trying to hide so much information, and then in her answer, try to make herself feel better by stating, that she was a good communicator. My immediate thought was way does, she feel the need to tell me she is a good communicator, in this sentence. That part of the her answer was not relevant to my question, I didn’t need to know that, therefore, my next thought was, she has issues with her ability to communicate, someone has pulled her on this before.

Hope your having a great day.

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The Quality of the Question

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3 responses to “The Quality of the Question”

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